5 charity auction hangovers
Charity auctions are great. Those with deep pockets can pick up pieces they wouldn’t necessarily be able to get elsewhere.
But when the hangover kicks in the next day - does regret kick in too?
Let’s take a look at 5 potentially remorse-inducing charity auction buys.
5. Kate Middleton’s dress - $125,000
Kate Middleton was famously wearing this dress in a friend’s fashion show the first time she locked eyes with Prince William.
It’s a big piece of royal history.
You’re bleary eyed after a long afternoon of pounding back lagers and you can hear the auctioneer saying something about Kate.
You black out.
You wake up the next morning in too bright sunlight. Your head is pounding. Your mouth is dry. You look over at your wardrobe and your mouth opens in a silent scream.
4. Red Macbook Pro - $977,000
Everyone loves Apple products. What’s not to like, they’re smooth, look good and sometimes last forever.
So it’s conceivable that you would blow close to a million dollars on a desktop version that comes in red. Obviously, it’s for a good cause.
But as you wake up sprawled on your doorstep and reach for the aspirin you have on you at all times; you see a ticket in your pocket for a charity auction at Christie’s last night.
Panic stricken you pull your trousers up, stagger in to the lounge and drop your jaw in horror.
3. Big Mac sauce - $99,591
Mmmm Big Macs are delicious. So delicious.
Wouldn’t it be great if you could just have the sauce in a sandwich? You laugh about it with your friends at the pub. At all of the weird recipes you could make with the lovely Big Mac sauce.
Your friend shows you that McDonalds is actually selling some Big Mac sauce on eBay. For charity. You all laugh and agree that it looks a bit expensive.
Your friends are so funny.
You’re on the bus home, nodding in and out of consciousness and find yourself looking at eBay, with one eye closed.
Sunday morning and you wake up on top of a bus stop feeling like you need to throw up, but it looks like someone else got there first.
You check your phone. Oh God no. Not again.
2. Qatar's most expensive mobile number (666 6666) - $208,500
You’re always forgetting your phone number.
Even though you’ve had it for years, whenever anyone asks for it you always have to pause.
Now you’re two bottles of Champagne down at the charity auction in Qatar (where did you even get that from? Alcohol is illegal here) and you have no idea what’s going on.
You wake up in a wheelie bin outside the auction house, in the burning heat of the midday sun. The head of the auction house is smiling down at you. He reaches in to shake your hand.
What for? Oh no…
1. 2 millionth Land Rover Defender - $573,000
You’re a wealthy guy but, let’s face it, you really need to stop going to these charity auctions.
We’re all concerned, you’re constantly drinking too much and blacking out. You’re drunk now aren’t you?
Obviously it’s a symptom of deeper problems in your life; I had an uncle who went through the same thing.
Look, we’re not judging you.
We just want to help.
We all want to help.
What…what’s that outside.
Oh Christ, you did it again didn’t you.
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