18 historical objects that confuse millennials
Collecting antique items makes no sense to a millennial. Like, why would you want any of that old stuff, when today's stuff is so much faster, streamlined and more agile...
Unless, of course, we're talking about vinyl records or 90s trainers. Because, you know, they're cool.
Here are 18 historical collectibles that baffle millennials, and probably always will.
(We've also included the monetary value for each – just to keep their baby boomer parents happy.)
Millennials read. But they don't read books. They read Buzzfeed. Twitter. And their own Facebook posts.
You must understand, they don't have time for books.
"Sorry I'm late guys. I forgot to charge my phone and the alarm didn't go off".
Just shut up and get an alarm clock you feeble millennial.
The millennial likes to wile their Sundays away binge-watching the latest Netflix naffery.
Heading out to the local Blockbuster to grab a well-worn copy of E.T. is simply unthinkable.
"Why would I want his autograph? Not when I can get a selfie with him. Or even better, a retweet!"
The art of letter writing is dead.
US Postal Service figures show that 44 billion letters and parcels bearing postage stamps were sent in the US in 2006. By 2015 – that figure had halved.
Email is the prime culprit.
But (annoyingly) millennials aren't solely to blame here. Because millennials don't send emails either. And why would you? Not when you can send a quick pic of your genitals via Snapchat.
And if we're talking about postage stamps, we need to talk about…
Dangerous hazards to an inebriated millennial, Britain's red post boxes are highly collectible.
Keep an eye out for Edward VIII-monogrammed post boxes. They're rare.
Why? Because, as no millennial anywhere would be able to tell you, Edward VIII was on the throne for less than a year before abdicating to marry divorcee Wallis Simpson.
Coins and banknotes
"Just Venmo me".
"I'll Venmo you, yeah?"
The only map a millennial needs is in their smartphone. Or on their face, if the millennial is an "early adopter" of the car crash-inducing Google Glass.
They're missing out on objects of great beauty.
All mobile phones come with a camera.
Millennials predominately use them to pose for duck face selfies.
Once upon a time, if you wanted to take a photo, you needed a device designed solely for the purpose.
The millennial grew up playing video games. The millennial still plays video games, especially Pokemon Go ("it's great exercise").
But board games? Er, what is this, the 1980s?
The rise of the computer keyboard has done more damage to the human brain than any concoction of hallucinogenic drugs ever could.
Because today's computer user need never think ahead. Need never show any care. Never pause for a moment's clarity.
And it's all because of the delete button. No thought. No consequences. No problem! That's the life of the millennial.
Millennials don't need a watch because they have their phone – see "Alarm Clocks". Unless, of course, they own a "smartwatch" – which tells the millennial how many steps they've taken so far today, and gives them access to their emails (just in case – horror of horrors – they've left their "smartphone" at home).
Old clothes are in – it's called retro.
So long as they're not too old (or too young) you understand.
So, overly tight-fitting 60s drainpipes are on trend. As are overly baggy early 90s stonewashed jeans. But 70s flares, with a comfortable cut and an extra bit of pazazz at the bottom. Like, why would anyone want those?
Why would you want to leisurely consult a handsome, thoroughly-researched tome produced by experts? Not when you have instant access to the collective-ignorance-of-the-prejudiced-masses-masquerading-as-fact that is Wikipedia.
The idea of having to go further than your trouser pocket to place a phone call is an absurd one to the millennial.
Yes, millennial, there was a time when you would call your friend at home on their telephone, arrange to meet at 8:30 and then you would, hey presto, meet them at 8:30.
Now, thanks to mobile phones, it's all "few mins late, soz xx" and "I'm on the bus, cu soon" text messages.
Just turn up on time you insolent millennial.
And while we're on the subject…
Much like with post boxes, British millennials are confused on a daily basis by the presence of these iconic red pillars on their streets.
And don't even try to explain about phone cards (which were once collectible, but are truly not now).
Millennials demand instant gratification.
Anything less than instantaneous music streaming to their "handheld device" simply won't do.
So how they'd have coped with taping songs off the radio back in the 70s is anyone's guess.
And then playing them on a contraption that offered a one in 10 chance of mangling the cassette for eternity?
Hold on, perhaps these millennials are on to something…
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