10 Political Action Figures We'd Definitely Vote For
Here are 10 action figures, dolls and toys based on political figures that kids are sure to love!
For most of us in the West, Vladimir Putin is the corrupt, cold-eyed Bond villain-esque Russian President voted 'most likely to start WWIII' by the members of his graduating class who didn't mysteriously disappear.
But in Russia, Vladimir Putin is more than just a leader – he's a freaking rock star. When he's not annexing small nations, Putin is also the leader of a motorcycle gang called 'The Night Wolves', a judo champion, a discoverer of ancient artefacts, a fire-fighting helicopter pilot, and a rugged outdoorsman who never misses an opportunity to be photographed with his shirt off.
To celebrate Vladimir's rampant virility, a Russian toy company has produced this doll featuring a buff, bare-chested Putin riding a bear. The only way this could be any more masculine is if the doll was actually a novelty bottle, filled with aftershave made from the President's own sweat. It's made from bits of real Putin so you know it's good, and sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
What do we want? This action figure! When do we want it? Mao!
The Venn diagram for action figure collectors and Chairman Mao fans doesn't have much of an overlap, but where it does you can guarantee there's a capitalist pig there to exploit the market. Niche collectors can now get their hands on this highly detailed figure of Mao Zedong, complete with two microphones, a cigarette case, a tea cup, a brush pen and of course his Little Red Book.
The figure also comes with three interchangeable head sculpts: the 1949 Ceremony for State Founding Declaration speech head, the 1966 Cultural Revolution head, and a blank unfinished head so you can paint his face to look like Ace Frehley from KISS.
In 1998, following a lurid affair with intern Monica Lewinski, the House unsuccessfully attempted to impeach President Bill Clinton. According to legend, Clinton was known to emerge from the White House basements upon every full moon to prowl the streets in search of vestal virgins, luring them from their bedroom windows with a stream of soft saxophone jazz solos. Just like Kenny G.
Now collectors can recreate those magic moonlit nights with this 'Wolf Bill' action figure, produced as part of the Presidential Monsters line which also includes the Monster from the Watergate Lagoon (Richard Nixon)); Zom-Bush (George Bush); Barracula (Barrack Obama); Lincolnstein (Abraham Lincoln); the Ronmy (Ronald Geagan) and the Phantom of the Whitehouse (JFK).
Osama bin Laden
In 2005, at the height of The War on Terror, the CIA hired GI Joe creator Donald Levine to create a new prototype doll of everyone's favourite mass murderer Osama bin Laden. The idea behind project 'Devil Eyes' was to circulate the dolls to kids across the Middle East, who would play with them until the paint wore away to reveal the face of Satan. Who, in this case, looked remarkably like Darth Maul from Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.
Apparently the CIA never considered the fact that Darth Maul was the only half-cool thing about the Star Wars prequels, and that children throughout the Middle East may have actually thought "Woah, Osama bin Laden is a Sith Lord? Do we get double light-sabres if we join up?"
However, the plan was scrapped and just three original prototype dolls were produced, with two kept in the Pentagon archives and one by Levine himself. In June 2015, Levine's own prototype sold at auction for $6,500,
George W. Bush
In 2002, a US toy company released a talking George Bush action figure, featuring a sound chip loaded with snippets of the President's own speeches.
These included the stirring "I will not yield, I will not rest, I will not relent in waging the struggle for freedom and security for the American people" along with the slightly more confusing "We're working hard to put food on your family."
The manufacturer allegedly sold more than 100,000 dolls, although many sales figure reports from toy stores across Florida remain unaccounted for.
If, like many toy collectors, you specialize in action figures depicting dead Middle Eastern military dictators, you'll want to get your hands on this deluxe Saddam Hussein figure.
The Saddam doll depicts the dictator as ready for battle, complete with military fatigues, a Tom Selleck-esque moustache and a gold-plated automatic machine gun. We're still waiting for the version which comes complete with a gigantic grey Santa beard and a bag of fun-sized Mars Bars, to keep hunger at bay when he's hiding under the sofa from your G.I Joes.
A true hero to some, a monstrous villain to others, Vladimir Lenin's position in history is very much the same as Tom Brady's. But thanks to a toy company, Lenin's no longer just an ideological figurehead – he's an ideological bobblehead as well.
Unlike Tom Brady, the Lenin figure comes with neither a football nor a New England Patriots helmet as accessories. But his head does nod up and down, which is perfect if you're about to nationalize your assets and need a little encouragement.
As an interesting side-note, Russian authorities have actually stolen a tip from vintage toy collectors, by keeping the original Lenin inside a box for display purposes only to retain his value.
Completing our trio of Communist revolutionaries is the Big C himself, Fidel Castro. This figure from In The Past Toys comes complete with full combat fatigues, a realistic beard and an intense hatred of America.
The Fidel Castro figure is also sold with a lifetime guarantee, having been tested and deemed virtually indestructible by experts at the CIA. Exploding cigars sold separately.
It's true that Barrack Obama's inauguration in 2009 was a historic day for America. But it would have been even more historic if the incoming President had entertained the crowd with a display of Ninja sword skills. To commemorate America's first black President, the Japanese company Gamu Toys produced this fully-poseable Obama action figure and enticed collectors with images of all-out badassery.
However, they may have added the swords later, as the figure's original accessories included a flag, a microphone and a wooden stool which made him look like the world's most patriotic improv comedian.
There are no further figures in the Obama action figure line, but if you want to pit him against his greatest enemy, all you need is a large roll of red insulation tape with the letters 'GOP' written on it in Sharpie.
For the last doll on our list, we offer a horrifying vision of the future: President Donald Trump. As of July 2015 Trump is currently polling second in the list of Republican Party nominees, proving that when he said "You're fired!" he was talking to sanity itself.
Despite making a series of rambling, stream-of-consciousness speeches which sound like someone gave the world's most racist cab driver a billion dollars and a microphone, Trump is apparently winning fans with his 'tell it like it is' attitude. And by 'tell it like it is', we mean 'rant it like it appears to be from the window of your gold-plated penthouse appartment'.
According to the box, the Donald Trump doll says 17 different phrases, each one of which is probably something awful about Mexicans. It's also the only doll ever made to have hair more realistic than the person it's based on.
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